the part of me that has changed is that i longer put up with my own bullshit. that is. pure crap, aggressively pursued. i used to be nice to my heart, to lie to my soul and keep dibs with those who i have and should have nothing in common with, me with them, or i with them. and usually they pursue a real illusion, and i a false truth, in order to continue knowing each other. so i have put away with that bullshit. my heart is calm when i ignore phone calls and voice mails and emails. we are through and the time that you thought were weren't well i'm just sorry for leading you on. i didn't really think about what i was doing until now. and i know that to be nobler i must put away the bullshit: the kindest thing i can do is to be a blank stare and an empty chair, say I was never supposed to be there in the first place and the least i can do is disappear. same as to you to me if needs be. i won't ponder what you must walk through. but it's happened to me and i am thus quelmed with respect for honesty and the proper placement of the silence of the past. that is where i'd like to be. gone for good.
i have ten blank stares for the weather
ten blank stares from me today
ten for me and none for you.
well. ten for you and inside there is a storm of me,
but even steal a glance- i'd never give it away.
livid i take it you've lived through hell,
coming up by strides you don't mean to waste the ground
i see in hands clasped in grips you carry something
of nothing to you and everything to everyone
like spittle the afterspray a careless cough the window scattered water sparks
it's gray and 4pm the general haze of the day.
when with the winter pulls i'm sighed, sad and sorry
the belly of the day heaves and gives forth
a pregnant soul and desolute mind
the rythm of the ethereal
the eye of the smaller then you and me
eyesore
candy is a displeasure to the king
he sings of high and lows and how you must be _
if there was only something that was real we'd be fighting for at least a cause.
I'm not really concerned on the content or whether in thoughts it's the right or the wrong or the naive or the stupid to fight for i just want to give a bout of passion for something to push myself forth and make a tiny dent or a scratch. the uncouth youth you read about the assassinate and are bewitched by aged evils and selfish sinisters and overaged idealists that candor at ease great terror, mass killings, and protests of stupid gains. that's where i'd like to be. possibly if the cause has no soul or real merit the passion, will be purer because that's all there is. it will be harder for me to sustain a passion in something that is not valid and does not test through. therefore i would have to fight within myself to show all the passion i can. i will be resorted to a daily and difficult struggle: to create a pure and sole passion for something that is blatantly not worth fighting for or against. the meaningless screams and rants and shouts and the consummation of human energy, i want to propel myself towards aging, i want to propel myself to whatever is next, the sun or death, the moon or the sand.
so here is my challenge today: yes shallow as they may be. to learn more words, to read a book, and to tear the muscles in my stomach.
No comments:
Post a Comment