metel mouth as of today, yes that is me

it's official

as of today, i'm a metal mouth

i don't think i have any threatoning appointments in the next two years, so i should be good. there's not much i can do with my mouth for one, and there doubly not as much eating wise with this gastronism-thingy. so i'm down to blender foods? we shall see.

what really pisses me off though is that they put rainbow colored brackets on my teeth. I didn't see this till everything was placed. but now it looks like there's a million little things in my mouth. :(

in the rador today: BLOC PARTY! and subtly now: fisher

idealistic morality

When we accept a sense of morality as ideal – meaning moral ideals instead of moral rules the problem is that we accept the ideal- an ever shifting sense of direction, purpose, validity, and morality as perfection itself. Morality is not meant to be achieved. It shows us how flawed we are, but also, causes reason for striving, which is an apt definition for living. Moral perfection is in a sense an ideal, because we cannot ever achieve it. Therefore, if we reduce the requirement by which we live and strive to achieve, any ole recipe’d ideal can be achieved- thus inferring perfection. But do we really want to achieve simply an ideal and settle at that? Something flawed, different, specific, and misgiving is an eternity from perfect and completion. And I’m afraid that if we take the shortcut out, meaning, if we are too uncomfortable to accept the fact that we strive after an impossible perfection, then we will find ourselves with a lack of definition. And thus, we would throw out the whole game, it’s shitty.

Speaking of shitty, that’s how I feel today. I crawled out of bed, barely ready for my day, knowing I had to present a whole plan for writing up a PSA. I went to editing class and thought to myself, now if I only devote one hour to getting the editing project done that’s due today, I can type up a whole plan. I didn’t. I stayed until two making a stupid bumper. After I did image adjustment and changed the color type (to include a brown paper joint for my little stick man) Premiere refused to accept the PSD. So I just threw half of it out because I didn’t want to compromise the colors AND I didn’t have time to figure it out. Layers are confusing. So this little guy runs about in a little jumpback, then looks at a laptop, throws it out, runs off screen, and then we faze into his face. Titles lame as ever- Life Hack… solutions for modern productivity. And then I got up and walked home. I want to run away from anyone who knows me. Today I am going to try to run a little longer- three times around – with good music or something. I want to do something bigger with my life. Even a long run will qualify. Although it’s not exactly long, I’m just still the wimp. It will probably be about almost 5 miles. Gaa.

I am quite a lonesome self. I realized today that I didn’t have any best friends and truly the fault is my own. I walked down the lot and thought about how I wanted to be a producer or maybe a talent. I want to be an onthefield producer and also talent. We shall see. I need to have conviction and direction and wings to propel me forward first. Otherwise I think I’d drift into being an editor. (silent no)

hemingway, the sea, and smoky the cigarette

found this amazing quote by hemingway, i printed it out and put it on the wall in my room:

“There isn't any symbolism. The sea is the sea. The old man is an old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The shark are all sharks no better and no worse. All the symbolism that people say is shit." - hemingway

last night i slept by the window as it rained. i couldn't curse god because the sky was overcast. he got to hide his face from me.

smoking is a disgusting habit. it wasn't till i haven't for so long that i realize that now. i just smoked my first cigarette of 2008 and it was cruel, harsh, and smelled to strong of bad odor. yuck! i am so glad i stopped smoking. now if i could only get kyle to stop.....

wanson, and not sore

lo. ilc here

yesturday i did three (or more things)
one_hiked 18 miles
two_ate the most amazing food
three_watched amelie
or more_caught up with good friends

i am thankful to those i have witnessed that i know of such good character, that through thick and thin i am in awe and respect. i long to be in the deserts of az. and i long to sporatically walk up, and disappear. i am not sore today, and i am very glad of that. i don't feel like "filmmaking" today, but it's how the story always goes so i shall go. i put Elmer's glue all the cuts on my hand. maybe it'll help. i wish i - i hope i have time to run today. it will feel good for my legs and a long stride will ease the soreness in my buttocks. haha, i just had to say that word. it sounds funny.

buttox

thursday, valentine's day

Today I had a less then productive day. I could not get the internet to work at mayorga. again, i curse the face of microsoft. die. I wore red because it's valentine's day. i went to class at 9:41a and found out we had none. but project 2 is due today. what is project 2 anyways? we have to write up psa's for writing for tv and video. they will be read on live actual radio. oh boy. I took 20 mg of adderal and two pills of tripticil or whatever that is called. finally remembered. i was frustrated with my father for moaning about finances. he makes over 100,000 a year. he should be good. he just doesn't manage his money. that's it. micah tol me he'd go running in the dark with me but he's been napping on the couch since 6pm and it's 9:30p now. I still have to write up this employee challenge grant request. i wonder if lnt course is actually going to happen for me. i am now gonna hang from a hunk of heavy plastic screwed to an old bedframe.
-L

Ramblings:

Small children:
I always find it funny that small children like to run in any direction, again and again. Until they are completely breathless. And then proceed to run some more.

um:
So I woke up this morning, as usual in the afternoon. With no end in sight.
u know that uncomfortable feeling that you get whenever

the imperfect world:
Lived. Rather then livid. Yea i know what it's like to turn your back on everyone you had hoped in. It's saturday. Clinging east I turn on a movie. I fly away from everything not perfect. That doesn't mean I'm refusing for settling for less. That means that I'm settling for none. Which doesn't really work in the earth. You gotta just take what life gives you. You know. There is no clean wood cut table here. Everything is a reflection, a shadow, a beautiful whisper of the best. And all these things that aren't completely, you just have to accept as okay, will-do, and appreciate them for exactly what there, nothing more and nothing less.

about the little things, written in missouri

But those of us who have seen the light, when we fall back into darkness, it is unnaturally dark to us. It reeks of mold. It is not good because we cannot possibly find happiness- a fulfilling slightly-longer-than-futile type of happiness. No matter where you are and how far you go, you will always remember a time that was at least .. brighter, bolder, and more defined. In essence no matter the distance we strive for a thing the past will always be brighter then the dimness we [seek to] see in the future. It was better that you could at least breathe easy, and the sky did not breeze dark and wheezing into dizzying smoke clouds wasn't the only alternative to breathing. So it comes to say in a respite of "diary momento" the moment I walked into the "prayer room" at onething, i saw to the many degrees of worship and experiencing God that people we falling into. And I did (maybe just think) that I felt a real presence. I wondered as I walked by the silent, the praying, the wailing, the dancing, and the crying... should this be how man should be, always positioned at all times, prostrate in awe of the One? I realized what I had been missing for a very long while- not as it were an obligation I had been skimping out on, but as an ongoing event, state of being, rather, that continued to pour out, no matter the time or place. I sat down and opened a NT that was da-da-da- ESV which really doesn't matter but they were the little things that I found myself marveling at, like how John the Baptist leaped for joy in the womb: He preached faithfully, yet not until 30 years later did he see the face of whom he lept for so long ago, and even then, when the man came, John said that he was not even worthy to touch the straps on his sandals. It was the little things that I found to be... quite big.

yesturday.

I always find it funny that small children like to run in any direction, again and again. Until they are completely breathless. And then proceed to run some more.

So I woke up this morning, as usual in the afternoon. With no end in sight.
u know that uncomfortable feeling that you get whenever

Lived. Rather then livid. Yea i know what it's like to turn your back on everyone you had hoped in. It's saturday. Clinging east I turn on a movie. I fly away from everything not perfect. That doesn't mean I'm refusing for settling for less. That means that I'm settling for none. Which doesn't really work in the earth. You gotta just take what life gives you. You know. There is no clean wood cut table here. Everything is a reflection, a shadow, a beautiful whisper of the best. And all these things that aren't completely, you just have to accept as okay, will-do, and appreciate them for exactly what there, nothing more and nothing less.

I appreciate Notepad so much. I think that it is the most useful software that comes with microsoft windows. From it my sould has soared, my mind has rambled, my days were planned. It is the cure all to every ailment and need. It's the bomb. Tell me, honestly, if there is any better freebie component of windows. I tell you, there isn't. None can beat the wonders of notepad!