idealistic morality

When we accept a sense of morality as ideal – meaning moral ideals instead of moral rules the problem is that we accept the ideal- an ever shifting sense of direction, purpose, validity, and morality as perfection itself. Morality is not meant to be achieved. It shows us how flawed we are, but also, causes reason for striving, which is an apt definition for living. Moral perfection is in a sense an ideal, because we cannot ever achieve it. Therefore, if we reduce the requirement by which we live and strive to achieve, any ole recipe’d ideal can be achieved- thus inferring perfection. But do we really want to achieve simply an ideal and settle at that? Something flawed, different, specific, and misgiving is an eternity from perfect and completion. And I’m afraid that if we take the shortcut out, meaning, if we are too uncomfortable to accept the fact that we strive after an impossible perfection, then we will find ourselves with a lack of definition. And thus, we would throw out the whole game, it’s shitty.

Speaking of shitty, that’s how I feel today. I crawled out of bed, barely ready for my day, knowing I had to present a whole plan for writing up a PSA. I went to editing class and thought to myself, now if I only devote one hour to getting the editing project done that’s due today, I can type up a whole plan. I didn’t. I stayed until two making a stupid bumper. After I did image adjustment and changed the color type (to include a brown paper joint for my little stick man) Premiere refused to accept the PSD. So I just threw half of it out because I didn’t want to compromise the colors AND I didn’t have time to figure it out. Layers are confusing. So this little guy runs about in a little jumpback, then looks at a laptop, throws it out, runs off screen, and then we faze into his face. Titles lame as ever- Life Hack… solutions for modern productivity. And then I got up and walked home. I want to run away from anyone who knows me. Today I am going to try to run a little longer- three times around – with good music or something. I want to do something bigger with my life. Even a long run will qualify. Although it’s not exactly long, I’m just still the wimp. It will probably be about almost 5 miles. Gaa.

I am quite a lonesome self. I realized today that I didn’t have any best friends and truly the fault is my own. I walked down the lot and thought about how I wanted to be a producer or maybe a talent. I want to be an onthefield producer and also talent. We shall see. I need to have conviction and direction and wings to propel me forward first. Otherwise I think I’d drift into being an editor. (silent no)