Adderall, this summer

I have this amazing feeling right now. Yes, at times it makes me moody. Confused really. Because it makes me thoughtful, deeply thoughtful. And when somebody thinks too deeply about something, say the human race or the condition of my life, you will see all the flaws. and when a million tiny flaws are all lined up and measured together with everything else, you will see monstrous tragedies. So yea, at times, when Adderall sinks in and hits me when i have exasperated myself of anything to do, it does make me sad. On the other hand, I have no hunger, I smell like human sweat, and I am nervous and extremely productive. My mouth is dry, but I am going crazy with the millions of thoughts of things and things to do and things that can be done. When I take adderall, a million doors that were once hidden are all before me, flashing brilliant lights and trumpeting the day. I am like sticky goo, stretched from here to there. Maybe the only thing keeping me here is this quiet Simon & Garfunkel guitar infused tune and the fact that my adrenaline/adderal pumped fingers really like to punch the keyboard in such a repetitive fashion. Oh the woe of this rocket life. I was a 115 pound slug yesterday, once again letting this cute and evil laptop suck away my day. The only thing that separated me from the fresh summer air and the beautiful brilliantly bright sun was 1 inch of glass, inches from me. It is now, at this age, at this point in my life, that I should be shedding the comforts of home and childhood, of laziness and a refusal of reckoning. And doing is a crucial part of growing up. But I like this shell and I should admit it's probably what is keeping from becoming anything else then out of place and out of age. Yes, I should be taking a responsibility to learn skills to survive, and yes, prosper. But what have I become? Emotion without Reason. And that is sad. You see, the beauty in emotion, is the reason behind it. This, thus this... wow! But simply emotion? A bright annoyance, shifting to a gloomy nonsense. There is nothing for anyone, me or anybody else, this dull reasonless emotion. I cannot help myself nor anyone in this mad state. This seemingly endless state. It's a fallback for me. And yet a fallback of the past year. Maybe my actions in the next few weeks will take me out, and stick me somewhere else- a path to a job teaching in the outdoors. I am physically capable and experienced, yet to show that how will I do it? What is better- a true and willing heart, or a stubborn and cynical pro? But maybe I am better, because all I really need is a change of heart. With clean air and a quick [   ] to shot me up I am there. The trick is staying there.