Life is a definite blur

9:56pm////

Dear self, and wandering eyes of internet roamers, whoever you may be (President Bush - my sincerest regards)...

Today I woke up and looked out the window. Lake Bob was shimmering with the heavenly glow of midmorning sun and romantic geese were bobbing their heads up and down in the green water entranced in some ancient mating ritual.

"Wait a minute- did I just say 'midmorning sun'"?!?

I glanced at my cell phone- it read 9:27am. NO!!!!

Again I realized that I had ruined the first day of my school week - precious monday, next to bloody sunday. I missed Biology AND journalism. Yesturday I did the total of over 3 hours of driving. It was very dreary. Although I did see the ones I love... anyways, missing classes = VERY BAD.

I logically concluded that I was now in need of major GRACE.... and consequently still am!

On a side note I have another headache. Some of these days just aren't "the days." I want to be laying in the sun again, on the top of Ravens Rock, listening to the world come alive with insects and spring breezes against the backdrop of Cate and Jessica dramatically reading King Lear....

I finally brushed my teeth this afternoon. This finally happened after I finally went to the store today and finally bought a toothbrush. (GASP! Will the secret ever be revealed that I managed to survive this semester without a toothbrush until now??!!??) It helped me with my self-conciousness. I was really worried about bad breath. I mean REALLY worried. I am very self centered... but... I do live inside myself... and it's the only view I ever witness firsthand- that is, from inside looking out.

I also walked to the cafeteria for lunch today. Ack! It was noon exactly and the cafeteria was filled with students. I walked over the toaster oven and made a sandwhich with my head looking down. David came by and gave me a "hello hope you doing well you look tired" hug. Meredith gave me a "i haven't seen you in awhile" hug. Lauren gave me a "long and long and loving - you look very sad" hug. Briana later gave me a "i'm just going to hold onto you forever hug because I'm really tired and you must be too so let's just lovingly rest" hug. Becca gave me a "we're both asians and we are the only asians in the cafeteria and i haven't seen you in like, an entire day and i am wearing a really hot shirt" hug. Or maybe that was yesturday... Jenna hugged me.. today? (It was a "Renae is a cool girl but so is Lily too, i think, and also, it's the second time i've let this poor girl into the dorm and maybe i'm hugging her because of that or maybe she just hugged me and i'm hugging her back" hug.) Whatever the case, I did a lot of hugging and I realized it was probably because I had a really sad face today!

Come to think of it, I've been hugging a lot. When I read into them to much I interpret much love. Thus, I logically conclude that HUGGING is HOT CHOCOLATE for the SOUL.

ALSO: Yesturday, there was a big tour bus outside of Founders that I saw when I was walking to my car. I suddenly thought that it was SOULFORCE. Haha, good one, close. No... it was the Model UN people coming back from partying in New York. My mistake, BIG difference.

My tired head has much to do. Since my body is attached to it, my body will follow my head. Um...

Jessica just read right now in a Dove wrapper that Dove Inc. invites us to "Test your limits and keep going."

I'm writing my to do list:
1. Test my limits
2. Keep going

It is once again that I've succumbed to a candy wrapper to dictate my life... the other was "Be mischievous- it feels good" or something like that.

Actually I've changed my mind! Let's go with:

1. Tell God how helpless and dependent I am especially with all the school this week.
2. Beg him for help.
3. Pending.